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Archive for the ‘What's the deal with …’ Category

Many of you may have already figured out that I am easily annoyed, but that’s another story for another time. Today’s story is about flip flops.

I live in Florida, so flip flops are everywhere. I’ve never personally been a big fan of flip flops myself partly because I don’t really like having anything between my toes, and partly because I’m just not a big fan of feet in general (as I’ve mentioned in a couple of previous posts). But flip flops are comfy and appropriate in some casual situations like going to the beach or chilling by the pool and what not I reckon. Mmmm hmmm.

However … If you are going out in public and have any desire to make other people think you don’t live in a trailer park or collect welfare, that you make more than minimum wage, brush your teeth regularly and aren’t married to a sibling, then flip flops would make an inappropriate option for your feet. AND if you are going to work anywhere except perhaps as a lifeguard then flip flops are strictly forbidden.

I for instance work in an office where it is generally pretty quiet (except when the annoying guy two cubicles down gets on a conference call and thinks he has to talk at the top of his voice for others to hear him, you know who you are). What I don’t need to hear is the annoying sound of slap, slap, slap everytime you take a step and walk anywhere within 100 feet of me. I don’t care if your flip flops have a leather strap, or cute little rhinestones on them. If I can hear you walking from 75 feet away as they slap against the bottom of your skank ass feet, then take that shiz off and put on some real shoes.

But for God’s sake DO NOT walk around barefoot in the office … again another story for another time.

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Obviously I am missing something.

Every single time I turned on my TV over the past week and a half it seemed like Curling was being shown on at least one of the channels that showed Olympic coverage, so that must mean that there is a big demand for coverage, but I just don’t get it. I mean if one of the pieces of equipment you need to bring with you to work every day is a broom should what you actually do be classified as a sport?

I guess if ESPN can show Poker on TV as a sport then Curling does indeed qualify as a sport. At least curling requires some small amount of physical activity, unlike poker where drinking a beer at the table is acceptable. (Although something tells me beer was involved in the creation of the “sport” of Curling.)

I tried to watch some curling to see what it was about, but no matter how much I watched I just couldn’t figure it out. Sometimes they tried NOT to score, and when they did score I never could figure out what the criterea was. Anyway congratualtions to Canada for winning the big gold medal match on Saturday night in prime time (which shows again I guess how popular it is.) Also congratulations on the hockey win. We’ll give you guys hockey … we’ve got baseball, and the first Spring Training games start this week, so the dog’s life is now back in order.

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Waterless urinals.

I'm semi-concerned about this.

So it’s Monday after the Christmas holidays, and I innocently walk into the restroom at work to take a leak only to find that the urinals have all been replaced. The new urinals are “waterless” urinals which I suppose is supposed to help make the company feel like they are doing something good for the environment. Or, more likely it makes the company think they can save a few bucks on their water bills each month.

As terrific as these new urinals may be, I have a few concerns. My initial concern when walking up to them is that they are awfully high on the wall. I mean if I was like two inches shorter I’d have to use the little kid’s urinal to keep my ball sack from setting on the edge of the bowl while I take a leak. I’m only 6′ tall, so there are quite a few men in my office two inches or more shorter than me who are now relegated to the one kiddie urinal at the end of the restroom. That’s just embarrassing. My other concern is the “no freaking water to wash down my piss issue.” I’ll grant you that gravity does a pretty good job of draining away 99% of the urine, but what about those little droplets that get stuck to the sides, or on top of the drain? They just get to sit there all day festering in the flourescent light? Little waves of urinal odor wafting off of them? I’m a bit concerned about all this.

The good new is … at least for now … I discovered that the smaller bathroom at the back of the building still has a trusty waterfully good standard flush urinal.

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RulesOfTheRoad_cover_LARGEThe Dog declares September National “Don’t Drive Like an Idiot Month.” I don’t claim to be the world’s greatest driver, but I do adhere to certain rules of common courtesy while driving that are often ignored by other drivers I see on the road. In an effort to promote better driving and the general well being of the good drivers on the road, I’d like to share some tips with those of you who are idiots. I doubt you already know who you are, but maybe after reading this you will get a clue.

Use your turn signal. While there are many instances where you should use a turn signal, the most irritating non-use of the turn signal is when you are making a right hand turn. If you are turning, give those people sitting at the intersection waiting to go the signal so they can move on with their lives. It is irritating as hell to sit there waiting to enter an intersection while an oncoming car approaches only to be screwed at the last second when you realize that oncoming driver made you waste valuable minutes of your life just sitting there. (more…)

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winkingI must admit that I am perplexed by people who wink. I simply don’t get it. I mean what the hell are you trying to get across to me when you give me a wink?

To me winking is a sign of flirtation, but for many people it seems to represent something else. There are a couple of ladies in my office that wink at me all the time. At first it kind of weirded me out but then I realized that it wasn’t just me they were winking at. It seems to be a regular part of their communication, but the meaning is completely lost on me. I mean if a woman winks at me it tells me “hey big boy, I’d like to make a baby with you, right here, right now.”
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Great for that job interview!

Great for that job interview!

Check out the Pooping Dog shop to get your deal-of-the-day. This stylish neckwear is perfect for church on Sundays, makes a great gift for the man in your life, or is the perfect accent to any business attire and is especially perfect for job interviews. Pick one up today, you’ll be glad you did!

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toeringI’m not sure why, but ever since I was a little kid, one of the first things I would do each day is put on my shoes. To this day part of getting dressed is putting on my shoes, and my shoes stay on until I’m ready for bed at night. I remember when I first got married and I would get dressed in the morning and as I was putting my shoes on my wife would ask me where I was going. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m just getting dressed” I would reply. She seemed puzzled as to why I would be putting my shoes on just to hang around the house, but after 15 years she’s stopped questioning it.

I’ve got kind of a thing about feet. I don’t mean in like a twisted pervert way, but in the way that feet kind of creep me out. And people with ugly feet, whoa. If you’ve got ugly feet keep those things away from me, and for goodness sake keep your freaking shoes on. It always bugs the crap out of me when I have people over to the house and they take their shoes off to get comfortable. Now it’s not that I don’t want guests in my house to be comfortable, but… Check me out. I sitting right over here, I’m comfortable, and I still have my shoes on.

There is nothing worse than ugly feet, and even the best feet are nothing to be proud of. I know there are people who are REALLY into feet, and I just don’t get it. In fact a friend of mine has another friend whom I’ve never met thankfully who has a crazy foot fetish. The dude will pay women money to come over to his house and walk on him while he lays down on the floor. Now THAT’S some crazy shit if you ask me.

Anyway what got me thinking about this whole subject today was seeing a couple of women in my office wearing toe rings today. What’s up with toe rings? What possible purpose can a toe ring serve? Are you really trying to draw attention to your feet? Are toe rings some sort of secret code for the foot fetishist club, sort of like rainbow bumper stickers are for gay people?

It may be that some questions are better left unanswered, but if you are a toe ring person or know someone who is, let me know what the heck is going on.

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