So I’m sitting at home over the weekend enjoying a new book by my favorite author Jonathan Ames. His new book “The Double Life is Twice as Good” had come out last Wednesday, and I finally got around to picking up it up on the weekend and was making some good progress. If you haven’t ever read anything by Ames, you should check him out. Any of the regular readers of this or any of my other blogs would surely enjoy his work. Ames crafts cleverly written stories that will make you laugh as he paints a canvas of words that clearly detail his life and adventures.
Anyway that’s my Jonathan Ames plug, now back to the story…
So I’m reading this book and my wife is sitting at her desk doing who knows what and the television is on in the background because my wife cannot be in a room that contains a television without turning it on. I’m 90% certain she wasn’t watching it, and I was finding it distracting as hell as I tried to read my book. I love my wife though, so I just kept my mouth shut and tried to read on. So I have just finished the story “We’re Not All Some Cindy” an engrossing tale about Ames’ experiences taking a class on how to please a woman in bed, and am debating whether I should read on, or head to bed. By now it was nearly 11:30 and I had to head to work on Monday morning, so I really should be going to bed if I wanted to be a valuable employee in the morning.
I glance over to the TV just then and there is some commercial with an attractive woman jogging which naturally draws my interest at least enough to get me to look over for a moment. This woman is jogging down a street past some sort of office building, and the street is lined with shrubbery. As she passes each shrubbery they seem to become less blurry around the edges and better shaped into well formed circles, which at this point seemed odd, but not really disturbing. Who knows what this is an ad for I thought to myself, I’m sure it will all be clear any second now. So she runs past the final shrubbery and this time instead of turning into a neatly trimmed circle the shrub turns into a triangle which momentarily puzzles me until we pan to the final scene the announcer’s voice finally cluing us in to what it is I’m supposed to be buying.
“The new Schick Quattro for Women TrimStyle lets you shave, trim and transform yourself with just the flip of a handle. It is the only razor with 4 ultra-thin blades for long-lasting smooth skin and a built-in waterproof bikini trimmer in one.”
Suddenly it all becomes clear to me, like some sort of cosmic moment of clarity. I’ve just finished reading this story with several vivid descriptions of a woman’s “down there” place and literally just seconds after finishing the story I have to witness this. It was an ironically humorous situation. I just had to laugh. “Did I really just see what I think I saw” I thought to myself. I even picked up the remote control and rewound the commercial twice. Yes, I did just see what I think I saw.
The sun, the moon and the have all aligned and it is suddenly clear to me now. Those weren’t shrubberies that woman was jogging past. Those were bushes, and if I buy the Schick Quattro TrimStyle I could have a well trimmed bush as well. Well Schick, I hate to disappoint you, but number one I’m a man, and number two I’m married so having a neatly trimmed bush is not going to help me score.
I do however agree with nine out of ten landscapers: “There’s nothing quite like admiring a well trimmed shrubbery.”
